Tweets is Watching: AL Wild Card Edition

Last night the Oakland Athletics battled the Kansas City Royals for the right to play another game of baseball in the 2014 season. It was a brilliant game of baseball, ultimately pitting Oakland’s power (yesterday: Brandon Moss) against KC’s speed (everyone besides Billy Butler). Continue reading

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Gambling for Dummies: A New Column by Tyler Lauletta

 

Russell Wilson Credit: Peter Yang

Last year was a great year for gambling and I, thanks mostly to the glorious man pictured above and his teammates on the Seattle Seahawks.

They became champions one fateful day in February. The Seahawks were in New Jersey, I was in Las Vegas. What followed was the most magical gambling experience of my life. After turning Russell Wilson into some sort of demigod and riding Seattle all season, the Seahawks took the field and decimated the Broncos. I felt invincible. I felt elated. Continue reading

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Celebrating the Fallen Featured Players of SNL

photo via Hollywood.com

photo via Hollywood.com

Almost a year ago I wrote an article introducing the six new featured players for the forthcoming season of Saturday Night Live. After a massive loss of talent, including the departures of Jason Sudeikis, Bill Hader, and Fred Armesin, SNL had to restock the farm system going into their 39th season. Of the six rookies that started the year, three have now been let go by the show: John Milhiser, Noël Wells, and Brooks Wheelan. Continue reading

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Tweets is Watching: Chandler Parsons Attempts to Slide into the DMs

NBA: Houston Rockets at Sacramento Kings

Women are tough. As a male 22-year-old, I have a bit of experience perilously navigating the treacherous seas of flirtation. Thankfully, most of my attempts to spark conversation and possibly connection take place in dark bars, where the only people who can judge me for my eventual failure are myself and whichever friends I was originally out with.

That is my current flirtation situation, as of last Saturday night.

But the art of flirtation is much different for Chandler Parsons, member of both the Houston Rockets and USA basketball. Chandler Parsons, with his impressive resume and even more impressive hairstyles and facial structure, probably has a much easier time talking to women than I do. Continue reading

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@SillyNBA: Joel Embiid

embiid

Last year I created @SillyNBA, a twitter handle meant to favorite, retweet, and catalogue any instances of hilarious tweeting coming from NBA players. The comedy is almost continuous, whether the subject is sidepieces or subtweets, professional basketball players seem to have a strong, natural desire to make statements to the general public in 140 characters or less. Continue reading

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Tweets is Watching: David Price Edition

Tampa Bay Rays v Boston Red Sox

Everyday people throw shade at each other over the Internet. In most cases, these people are civilians; average citizens that write out 140-characters worth of CAPS LOCK or #subtweets that are intended to hit someone else hard. I am not interested in these meaningless clashes.

But every once in a while, something special happens and two figures of notoriety begin clawing at each other one tweet at a time. And sometimes these moments become so entertaining that they are worth reporting. Continue reading

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Fear and Football in Las Vegas: Bad Bets

lionel_messi_argentina_2014_fifa_world_cup_pics

I made a bad bet today.

In the third place match of the 2014 World Cup, I bet $33 on Brazil (-165) to win. I made this bet because I did not think that the Netherlands would show up to play. Who cares about third place in the World Cup? What point of pride would push the Dutch players towards a performance of greatness? Continue reading

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Fear and Football in Las Vegas: Motivation

NOTE: This article was made possible thanks to contributions from both my Aunt Rosemary and Aunt Sylvia. Thank you both. It’s dope to have family that supports my degenerative ways.

In an hour, Brazil will play the Netherlands for third place in the 2014 FIFA World Cup. Since this is basically a consolation game, it is important to note who actually cares if they win. Let’s take a look at each team:

BBCWorldCup

Continue reading

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Fear and Football in Las Vegas: Egg On My Face

NOTE: This article was made possible thanks to donations from my boy Sam Miller, a dedicated fan of beer and the Delaware Bluehens. Thank you for your support Sam. It will not be forgotten.

This is me post Brazil-Germany yesterday.

Me, watching Brazil-Germany after betting on Brazil. #worldcup #eggonmyface #blessed

A post shared by Tyler Lauletta (@thisbytyler) on

After 1,500 words on why Love and Faith and Karma would carry Brazil to victory, the host nation got absolutely blitzkriegged on their home turf. It was a soccer match like none I had ever seen. Yesterday, I wrote of Brazil, “This is greater than home-field advantage; this is battling an interstellar war on your home planet.” What I failed to acknowledge was that usually the planet that is getting invaded during interstellar war is supremely fucked.

Brazil was that planet yesterday. Continue reading

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Fear and Football in Las Vegas: The Beginning

IMG_2616

NOTE: This article was made possible by the wonderful, handsome, and wonderfully handsome Chris Howell. Thank you for your support and friendship.

This past week my family got to hang out as a complete unit for the first time in a while. Myself, Moms, and my sister left our various global locations to meet up with Pops, who is currently working in Las Vegas. It was a great week, filled with merriment and me not writing all that much.

Now, Moms and my sister have returned to their East Coast abodes while I have stayed back in Vegas with Pops with the intention of writing, gambling, and maybe finding my purpose if I have the time to spare. Continue reading

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