Tweets is Watching: Chandler Parsons Attempts to Slide into the DMs

NBA: Houston Rockets at Sacramento Kings

Women are tough. As a male 22-year-old, I have a bit of experience perilously navigating the treacherous seas of flirtation. Thankfully, most of my attempts to spark conversation and possibly connection take place in dark bars, where the only people who can judge me for my eventual failure are myself and whichever friends I was originally out with.

That is my current flirtation situation, as of last Saturday night.

But the art of flirtation is much different for Chandler Parsons, member of both the Houston Rockets and USA basketball. Chandler Parsons, with his impressive resume and even more impressive hairstyles and facial structure, probably has a much easier time talking to women than I do.

But even with his jaw-dropping good looks and beautiful jumper, some women still reject Chandler Parsons. And as it turns out, women reject me and Chandler Parsons almost as differently as they flirt with us. In my case, they politely decline my offer of an alcoholic beverage and go on with their night. In Chandler Parsons case, they tweet about it.

https://twitter.com/MariahCorpus/status/500817839184285699

This screencap was posted yesterday by Mariah Corpus aka Ryah Roses, whose Twitter profile describes her as a go-go dancer, a fitness junkie, and interested in men with muscles. The tweet made her rejection of Chandler public, and revealed his phone number and his style of spitting game in the process.

Chandler had “slid into this girls DMs” in Twitter parlance; smoothly transitioning from being a stranger that follows you to a stranger that sends you direct messages. Using social media for intimate or personal information is a dangerous game to get into, especially for tweeters as famous and handsome as Chandler Parsons. You don’t know this person. You don’t know if she might be crazy enough to post that information online.

With that said, one trip to Ryah’s Twitter page and it is easy to see what Chandler saw in her.

She is, admittedly, quite a looker.

ryah roses

Also, a little research revealed that this was not the first time that Chandler and Mariah had been brought together on the Twitterverse. In April, Mariah posted this picture with Chandler Parsons, seemingly excited to remind him that she was his good luck charm.

https://twitter.com/MariahCorpus/status/460641066681520129

Mariah also seems very down to have sex with people she meets through Twitter, as she illustrated here:

https://twitter.com/MariahCorpus/status/426961250413604864

She has even used Twitter to promote the act of being a faithful “side bitch,” posting this image of a contract that includes the clause that she will “pretend to be a friend in public and fuck you like an animal in private.”

https://twitter.com/MariahCorpus/status/472250327123505153

At this point, you might be thinking that Chandler Parsons could have had no way of knowing that Ryah Roses might turn on him. She seems open to the idea of casual sexual encounters organized via tweets, and she seems totally okay with and even proud to be a self-proclaimed “side bitch.” But Chandler Parsons should have been a little more thorough while scrolling through Ryah’s timeline. Because if he had, he would have seen that she has done this before.

https://twitter.com/MariahCorpus/status/451773987224178688

https://twitter.com/MariahCorpus/status/396022118225154048

In just the past year, Ryah Roses had outed the DMs of both Based God and some rapper named Malcs. She simply cannot be trusted.

But Chandler seemed to handle the situation well, chalking it up as a lesson learned, later tweeting out:

Ryah Roses decided to add to her already less than stellar resume with a few more gems.

https://twitter.com/MariahCorpus/status/501078457821171714

https://twitter.com/MariahCorpus/status/501232105121013761

Thankfully, NBA Rookie and @SillyNBA All Star Joel Embiid was there to support Chandler Parsons in this difficult time.

Even though just minutes earlier, Embiid had promised to leave the Twitterverse for a while.

Chandler Parsons responded in kind…

…and in the end, Joel Embiid was able to take a lesson away from the experience as well.

As for Chandler Parsons, I just want to let you that you’re okay man; we all get rejected. You probably less than I, as you’re a verifiable 10 to my debatable 7.2, but I assure you women have played with both of our hearts. I’m sorry you had to go through this so publicly, but I’m also super happy you’re no longer trying to get with Ryah Roses. You deserve better. Besides, Ryah is a Kobe fan anyways.

https://twitter.com/MariahCorpus/status/460762970088173569

I wish you well Chandler Parsons. I hope you find love and play proudly for Team USA in the upcoming FIBA World Cup. Just be sure to remember while on your trip – Tweets is Watching.

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