I hate April Fool’s Day. Especially on the Internet.
The Internet treats us all like trash on April Fool’s Day, convincing the world that Smell-O-Vision is within Google’s technological grasp, or that Virgin Atlantic is close to bringing us glass-bottomed airplanes.
April Fool’s Day on the Internet is the closest thing we have to The Purge.
I do my best to never trust what the Internet tells me at face value 364 days out of the year. On this day, I usually assume that the entirety of the Internet is a lie.
BUT TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY.
Just minutes ago on Twitter, I saw this:
I freaked, and immediately gave it a RT and favorite.
Then, in a moment of dread, I remembered what day it was. And I rememberer that my teacher had just trolled me into believing that I had to be at class at 7am tomorrow morning. And I saw that the Vulture story had no sourcing and minimal analysis. And I remembered what a cruel mistress the Internet can be on this day.
So I started digging. I found this:
While this tweet was posted today, the article was up on the Internet late last night, hours before it becomes culturally acceptable to lie about anything and everything in the sole interest of trolling.
My confidence was building.
As I scanned through the article, I found that it linked to one more tweet:
DEFINITELY NOT AN APRIL FOOL’S JOKE.
Freakout mode, initiate…
I am now convinced this is a real thing and not just the awful, awful lies of an Internet out to get me. I don’t know what to do with myself. This means there is a possibility that Kanye will be premiering new music at Bonnaroo in June.
I only ask that you pray for me. Pray that this is not some master plan developed in tandem by Vulture, Consequence of Sound, and Live Nation Australia for the purposes of ruining my day.
I wouldn’t put it past them.