I hate low-hanging fruit.
And while I love the Internet, I hate the tendency of those on the Internet to strive for the bare minimum of insight and creativity. I feel that we are constantly presented with creators who are trading these values for a meme du jour or pop cultural reference point that they know will get clicks and continue a conversation that is already happening in larger circles elsewhere on the Internet.
This type of content is lazy, inconsequential, and allows for the perpetuation of ignorance by those who continually consume it.
I am especially torn up about this low-hanging Internet fruit because it has recently begun to surface once again around Kanye West.
After he and Kim Kardashian appeared on the cover of Vogue, I was almost immediately informed by my Twitter and Facebook NewsFeed of the existence of an online blogpost entitled The 15 Most Absurd Quotes from Kim and Kanye’s ‘Vogue’ Story.
This post is garbage. It is garbage because it offers no insight or context that might help a reader form their own opinion. It is garbage because it makes the easiest associations possible with the knowledge that the greater Internet society will agree with it. It is almost Buzzfeedian in its formation; it’s a listicle starting with an odd number and it employs the use of a superlative (the implication being “There were even more absurd quotes than this, but we had to limit it to 15!).
For the past six months, possibly longer, the idea of “Kanye West is Crazy” has been highly marketable, highly profitable, and a guaranteed attention-grabber. This is a narrative that people attach to and continue to believe in, even if they no longer know why they believe it. The Internet has already decided that “Kanye West if Crazy” and will continue to highlight evidence that supports this narrative. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Which is why I am here. I am going to attempt to stop the cycle of the Internet. I am fighting back against the noise of comment boards to defend Kanye West.
Meghan Blalock claimed that these were “The 15 Most Absurd Quotes from the Kimye Vogue Cover Story”. I am here to explain why these quotes aren’t at all absurd.
1. Kim, talking about her visit to her icon Elizabeth Taylor’s former Hollywood mansion: “It was just so enchanting, with a garden with really pretty trellises and beautiful roses, but it wasn’t realistic for me to purchase. It only had a one-car garage.”
What a great way to start this piece. I invite anyone to please explain to me what about Kim’s comment here would qualify as “absurd”. She visited the residence of a former idol of hers while looking for a new home, complimented it on its beauty and then explained why the house wouldn’t work for the Kimye empire. That’s what reasonable people do when asked about their experience looking for a new home; they explain what they liked about the house and why they chose to buy or not to buy. Do you know what really would have been absurd? Kanye buying a house with a one-car garage. That would be fucking crazy.
2. Kanye, talking about Kim: “Kim is like a fantasy, period. She’s like a dream girl. And I think a dream girl should live in a dream world.”
This one makes me sad. If you remove their names, and just look at this text as a guy talking about his girl, it’s a really romantic sentiment. This just sounds like a guy that’s in love. If this same idea was expressed in an XKCD comic or Calvin and Hobbes, the Internet would find it adorable, or at the very least cute. But once we’re given the context that this is Kanye West talking about Kim Kardashian, all of a sudden it becomes trendy to call it absurd on the Internet.
3. Kim on mom Kris Jenner’s wardrobe: “One time Kourtney and I sat in my mom’s closet—we must’ve been eight or nine—and we were like, ‘If Mom dies, we’re going to write down who gets what.’ We went through every last piece of her wardrobe. We were so mean then!”
I think this is an amazingly humanizing moment for Kim. Far from absurd, she expresses the temporary insanity that can overtake a child’s imagination when bad thoughts come to mind. She also addresses how crazy the thoughts were, saying “We were so mean then!” This isn’t absurd. If anything, the environment in which Kim Kardashian was raised in was absurd, but that has nothing to do with the validity of her words today.
4. Kanye, on the fact that he and Kim use the entire bottom floor of his house to store Kim’s wardrobe: “We have a walk-in house!”
That’s not absurd. That’s dope.
5. Kim, on the omnipresent paparazzi: “When you’re young and you’re riding around L.A. with your friends it’s fun and exciting, but now I’m in my 30′s and don’t really care to go out and be seen or impress anybody.”
This makes me crazy. The idea Kim is expressing makes total sense. I bet it was a lot of fun for her at first when everyone was clamoring for her picture. It makes sense that she would want to lie low now. It is possible that Blalock determined this quote to be “absurd” because she believes Kim still loves the attention and actively seeks it. That claim doesn’t add up to me though, because regardless of her actions Kim cannot control the amount of interest the public seems to have in her. She has a right to rebuff the paparazzi even if she is doing something that someone else might believe is inviting attention. She is still a human being.
6. Kim, on a pair of Maison Margiela boots Kanye bought her back in 2008: “I was like, ‘What’s Margiela?’ back then.”
This is just adorable. Can’t you imagine Kanye scouring for hours to find the perfect gift for this girl he’s head over heels in love with? He stopped by Chanel and Gucci and Marc Jacobs and sent an email to a few other fashionistas before finding this pair of Margiela boots that were just perfect. And Kim was like, “What’s Margiela?” Also, this is doubly adorable because this is a specific type of ignorance that Kanye himself admitted to in his first ever single: “Can’t even pronounce nothin’, pass that Ver-Say-Chee.”
7. Kim, on Kanye’s lavish marriage proposal: “Literally, he is the most romantic person I’ve ever even heard of.”
Calling this absurd is just shitting on two people that are happier together than you are with your partner. Let people be happy. Love is crazy, but not absurd.
8. Kanye, on his love for Paris, France: “Paris is like the girl that’s rude to you at the bar at first, and then you eventually fall in love with her the most.”
This is arguably the greatest description of Paris that has ever been put to words. If anything, it is absurd how fucking brilliant that description is. Case in point: I spent three days in Paris while studying abroad last semester. When I arrived, I was shoved around on the Subway and got a lot of sideways glances. On the streets, I was badgered by people incessantly attempting to sell me roses to give the girl I was with who was adamantly against the idea of me giving her a rose. But by the end of those three days, Paris was my favorite city outside of London. Kanye is a wordsmith, and we should be thankful for him.
9. Kim, on their upcoming wedding: “People are probably assuming we’re going to have this massive wedding. And I think it will be—but intimate. Two hundred people—just all of our closest friends—a special night for us and all the people that really love us and that have supported us.”
I might be way off on this one, but I am assuming the “absurd” part of this is the fact that Kim considers 200 people to be an “intimate” wedding. There is a certain truth to that, as I feel most of us regular folks would think closer to 20 people would be involved in a wedding of intimate nature. But Kimye is not like us. If Kim and Kanye are able to keep their guest list down to close to 200 I would be extremely impressed. They know a lot of people. Also, Kim admits off the bat that the wedding will be “massive”, I think the main thing she was trying to get across here was that they weren’t about to turn their nuptial ceremony into “KIMYE-A-PALOOZA 2014: AKA THE GREATEST WEDDING OF ALL TIME”. Because their relationship is important to them, and not some marketing scheme.
10. Kanye, on the yet-to-be-chosen locale of said wedding: “We could get the Hall of Mirrors or something. We could turn up.”
Again, not absurd. Just dope. Everyone should turn up for their wedding. If my wedding is about to happen and I am not turnt up, I am probably marrying the wrong girl.
11. Kim, on the shoes she will wear to her wedding: “I tried to do flats when I was pregnant. Couldn’t do it.”
Okay, this might be a little absurd. But shoes can get crazy sometimes. I’m giving a pass.
12. Kim, on celebrity news-heavy site the Daily Mail: “That is my favorite website of all time!”
13. Kanye, on the way the world perceives their relationship: “It’s really interesting that we’re on the front lines of a few different concepts at the same time. You’ve got the interracial thing; you have mega-media and mega-art crash; you have, you know, the Vogue-and-reality show combination. There’s a lot of new frontiers being broken in 2014.”
Kanye is speaking truths here. It is a big deal that an interracial couple is on the cover of Vogue. Kanye knows this. In fact, his knowledge of this idea is probably a large portion of the reason that he agreed to do the cover shoot in the first place. He knows that it is an important step forward. He also understands that while powerful alone, Kimye together is a media empire almost unmatched. Facts are absurd.
14. Kanye, on his current sartorial obsession: “Is that a really weird thing to be into—the neckline of a T-shirt? Because, for a guy, all that matters is really jeans and a T-shirt, a nice suit every now and then, and working out.”
Kanye it’s not weird to be into necklines at all. I check out girls necklines all the time without my realizing it, and I bet some fashion mind that is smarter than myself created that girls neckline specifically with capturing my attention in mind. I am thankful that you are putting similar attention into clothes that I could wear for myself.
15. Kanye, on life in general: “It’s really just about dopeness at the end of the day.”
Fuck you if you think this is absurd. And fuck you twice if you think the idea of calling this idea absurd is an original thought. This was one of the first Kanye-isms that blew up on the Internet, and gave birth to columns like the one I am now angrily analyzing.
I take extra-offense when people criticize this idea because Kanye means it sincerely and in the most positive way possible. Dopeness is just another, more nuanced word for “quality”, and it really is all about quality at the end of the day. It is a fairly philosophical thought. Whatever you have in life, whether it be love or clothes or cars or music you’ve made, the only thing that really matters about any of them is their quality.
And Kanye wants them all to be dope.