The Girl I’m Looking For

2014 Resolutions

New Year’s Eve is a dangerous time for the perception of our own potential. Every year I think I am so close to greatness, enlightenment, or getting laid, that I create a grandiose resolution with the belief that it will give me the extra push I need to achieve self-actualization or something. I think this is a crime I am not alone in being guilty of.

This year, I want to avoid that mistake.

I don’t want to become a vegetarian for a year (2011, success).

I don’t want to run a marathon (2012, failure).

I don’t want to start a new blog about Kanye West (2013, moderate success).

I want to make this year one of preparation for the next big relationship in my life. I already know a lot about the girl that I am looking for, but I also know that I am not ready for her. Another mistake I have regularly made in my life is attempting to fix myself through other people. I am done with that. I know that you have to fix yourself and love yourself and with that good things come. Just have faith in the process.

So that is what 2014 is going to be for me. Three-hundred-and-sixty-five days of faith in the process. This year, I am on pace to graduate and after that I have no idea what I am doing. But no matter what happens, I am going to get my life together so that when I find my dream girl, I am a stable enough human being, with a job and a place and a semi-regular source of income so I can treat her as well as I want to treat her.

I want a girl who loves me for who I am, but knows she will also love who I am going to become.

I want a girl who is totally down to sit back and watch Netflix for four hours, and won’t give me a sideways glare when I start a fifth episode of House of Cards because she knows she can always just fall asleep in my lap.

I want a girl who won’t judge me for the way I eat or drink. Ideally, she would tear into a mid-rare filet with just as much vigor as I.

I want a girl who wants to kiss me all over the face.

I want a girl who knows when I need to play, when I need to cuddle, and when I don’t want to be alone, even though I tell her over and over again to let me be.

I want a girl who gets me outdoors and gives me an excuse to go on adventures.

I want a girl to take selfies with, and when we post them on Instagram they’ll get tons of likes because my girl is so goddamn adorable.

I want a girl that is bewildered by the beach, and curious about the snow.

I want a girl that is down to get in the car to go on a trip with me, even if she has no idea where the destination is.

I want a girl that I can rescue from a life she doesn’t deserve. I want to show her another life that she never could’ve imagined.

I want a girl who sees the world in black and white.

I want a girl who’s ready to protect me if I need it.

I want a girl that could live in the city, even if she prefers the countryside.

I want a girl that trusts me and loves me so much that she’d follow me most anywhere, because she knows that together, we can be happy.

I want a girl, maybe a Boston Terrier, maybe a French Bulldog, but really any young pup I can rescue that catches my eye will work. We’ve all experienced puppy-love at first sight, right? I want it to be like that.


I want 2015 to be the year where I have figured myself out enough that I can take full responsibility of some adorable little female pup. It has to be a girl, per my mom’s instructions, as she will undoubtedly become the rascal’s loving grandmother, taking care of her while I am off traveling/conquering the world through the power of the written word.

I know I’m not ready for her yet, but give me a year. I will be.

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One Response to The Girl I’m Looking For

  1. Pingback: Why It Took Me So Long to Write About Coachella | Shitty Banter

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