It was a big week for Kanye West and I already. And then Yeezus leaked.
I am not very good at Internetting. I do not know how to torrent, or what a torrent is. Ever since Kazaa destroyed my family desktop while I tried to download “Ice Ice Timmy” in sixth grade, illegal Internet activities were to scary a venture to undertake. But Yeezus is Yeezus, and when I saw this tweet from @DidYeezusLeak, who I began following two days ago, I started Googling.
I found links. Tons of them. Many claimed to be Yeezus but few were, which is a pretty fitting metaphor or something. I kept on clicking, downloading unwanted pictures of cats and videos of people talking about how the album hadn’t leaked yet in the form of .zip files whose title implied they were something that they clearly were not.
Finally one worked. Well, not at first.
I click. “Download Yeezus Here” it says.
I click again. “In order to complete this download, you must download this unzip program for some reason.” (I’m slightly paraphrasing).
I click again. “This download will work better on Google Chrome. Please click here.”
I’ve wanted Google Chrome for a while anyways.
Safari downloads Chrome. Chrome downloads unzip program. Unzip program downloads Yeezus. And now I am listening to Yeezus.
One of my favorite aspects of rap albums is how the words zip by you almost too quick to process. I know every line of “Backseat Freestyle” by Kendrick EXCEPT whatever comes right after “And she make me cum fast but I never get embarrassed,” because every time I hear that line I laugh too hard (out loud, or in my mind) to pay attention to what immediately follows.
Basically, here’s a list of lines that did that to me on my first listen through Yeezus. Share your favorites. Tell me if I missed any. But most importantly, listen to Yeezus.
1) On Sight
- We get this bitch shaking like Parkinsons
- Black Tims all on your couch again / Black dick all in your spouse again
2) Black Skinhead
- You see a black man with a white woman at the top floor they gone come kill King Kong
- Keep it 300 / Like the Romans
3) I Am A God (feat. God) <—- WHAT
- Soon as they like you, you make em unlike you
- Only rapper compared to Michael
- HURRY UP WITH MY DAMN CROISSANTS
- I just talked to Jesus / He said “What up Yeezus?”
4) New Slaves
- What you want? A Bentley? Fur Coat? A Diamond Chain?
- Rather be a dick than a swallower
- I’m bout to wild the fuck out / I’m going Bobby Boucher
- Y’all throwing contracts at me / You know that niggas can’t read
- I MOVE MY FAMILY OUT THE COUNTRY / SO YOU CAN’T SEE WHERE I STAY
- Fuck you and your Hampton house / I fuck your Hampton spouse
5) Hold My Liquor
- I’m hanging on a hangover
- Late night organ donor / After that he’ll disown ya
6) I’m In It
- Your titties let em out / Free at last
- Eating Asian pussy all I need is sweet n’ sour sauce
- Black girl sippin’ white wine / Put my fist in her like a civil rights sign
- They be ballin’ in the D-League / I be speaking Swaghili
7) Blood On The Leaves
- I don’t give a damn if you used to talk to Jay-Z
8) Guilt Trip
- Star Wars fur / rockin’ Chewbacca
9) Send It Up
- Dropped out first day of school / cause niggas got cocaine to move
- She said “Can you get my friends in the club?” / I said “Can you get my Benz in the club?” // If not, treat your friends, take my Benz park your ass outside til the evening ends
- Yeezus just rose again
10) Bound 2
- Rock Forever 21 but just turned 30
- Start a Fight Club / Brad rePittation
- This that prom shit / This that “What we do, don’t tell your mom” shit
- One good girl is worth a thousand bitches
I have no idea if this album is great or amazing yet. I wrote this up in one sitting, and probably missed about half of it while laughing at lyrics that I was busy writing down.
I might try to write a formal review later. But this needed to happen. Because Yeezus leaked today.